can i get a witness?

I am a "yes mum" when Big M goes away. The children ask if they can eat ice lollies for lunch? Yes! Might they have a 3 hour visit to their favorite park? Yes! Would it be possible to watch PBS Kids/CBB's until their brains ooze out their ears and pool in a sticky glutinous mass on the floor? Yes! I adopt "low-impact-parenting" when Big M leaves because it makes his absence more enjoyable, especially since the kids have not caught on just yet and their requests haven't been death-defying. So, last week, the kids were quite lucky when we stumbled upon our adored and missed "Barbara's Puffins" brand of cereal. It is a naturally sweetened, whole grain cereal that is unheard of in the UK and it is our favorite. What's more, Barbara came out with a peanut butter and chocolate type during our sojourn abroad. The kids spied this and began to wiggle and moan the beginnings of their collective "please-mum dance." But they needn't complete it. Big M was out of town and I said YES! immediately.

Also, when Big M is away, the rule at our house is that if you would like to eat before I am done nursing T-Bird, then you must make it yourself. You gasp, but the kitchen is usually cleaner than if I try to juggle 3 kids' needs within a whiney 5 minute window. Plus, the children are single-minded without help. Food, as soon as possible. That's it. No fuss, few bowls and accessories... Ideal really. Though, I confess to leaving subliminal suggestions out the night before like cereal, apples, bowls, spoons - even bananas with pre-cut/easy peel stems sometimes.

The next morning, the kids were so excited for their peanut butter and chocolate puffins that they didn't even moan at me bedside and I didn't have to remind them of the "if you must eat right now, you must make it yourself" rule. They just woke, stumbled to the kitchen, and ate. It was a quick few minutes before Little M crawled into bed beside T-Bird and myself. I thought the cereal must have been quite a hit! Quick eats and he's even ready for a snooze! Amazing! "How was the cereal?" Little M nodded a yes and dozed off again next to T-Bird. I thought the cereal must be magical, beyond words! I went into the kitchen. Little M's bowl still had the chocolate puffs in it. Perhaps Little M wasn't feeling that well? Perhaps that was his reason for a speechless reply? His snooze? It most likely wasn't the cereal, I thought, as G didn't even carry it to the table she was that excited. She just sat on the floor, crunching away in that nascent awakening way. I bent down and sniffed her sleep-tousled head. Heaven. I peaked into her bowl. All of the chocolate puffs were still floating in the soy milk. She was only picking out the peanut butter ones with her spoon. I asked, "How is the cereal? Do you like the chocolate ones?" She whispered in that hesitant way that tells me she has an answer but doesn't want to be rude, "I don't know. The chocolate ones look like poop."

At first, I didn't go back to work due to Little M's anaphylaxis. But now that he is older and we have a safety routine that we both feel comfortable with, I haven't gone back to work due to our overseas status and also due to my belief that someone in their family should witness their growth. But, after reading the article that families with working mums do no long term damage to their children, our return to the USA and cereal that looks like poop, I think I might not have to witness everything...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jul/22/working-mothers-no-harm-children

gimme a gun?

Nothing screams "sheltered middle class white mother" like my shock over a recent gang beating that took place on the main road to my husband's work.

http://www.blogtopsites.com/outpost/c2353a973a60fdcf20886363e9b3e046

The Brits think the Yanks are nuts for the amount of guns available and sold in the States. The U.S. is also apparently also one of the main manufacturer of guns for the world.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2010/sep/01/photography-zed-nelson-best-shot

A part of me, maybe, if I'm honest, it is the "sheltered middle class white mother" part of me, sees the Brits' point of view. There is gun violence and a sad amount of deaths involving guns in the U.S. Why have them available if there are accidental and not-so accidental deaths from them? Here they are heavily controlled, yet, I'm not finding a void of gun violence.

http://news.uk.msn.com/in-depth/raoul-moat-manhunt.aspx
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/8457418.stm

If anything, there is a remarkable number of violent gun deaths considering this strictly gun-controlled island country is not much larger than Minnesota and Iowa put together.

http://www.sarmonster.net/UK.htm

The native Glaswegians I've asked about this recent event shrug it off. They say that gangs hurt gangs and that innocent bystanders rarely get involved. I dunno. If I'm about to die, innocent bystander or not, I'd rather it be quick - the way an abbatoir kills the animals we eat - than being shoved off the side of the road and beaten beyond a hair's breath and then live knowing someone wants me gone.

No, I'm not saying I want to be caught in crossfire or that I have a deathwish or even wish to belong to a gang. But I am tired of this stereotyping of gun-users in the States. The U.S. is not filled with rabid gun slingers ready to pop innocent bystanders for not correctly ordering a mocha at Starbucks. My uncles are hunters. My kids' uncle is a hunter. My husband learned to shoot cans in the Arizona desert with his grandfather. For him, it was time in the quiet without the worries that come from a child stumbling through adult concerns. No one has been hurt. If there is to be an end to gun violence, even in heavily controlled societies, then thoughtful teaching of gun use and the value of life has to happen. Not juvenile fingerpointing at cultural preferences founded in historical necessity. I want my children to neither be caught in crossfire nor be beaten to a pulp.

Gossip

My husband is in Korea and Tiger Woods' transgressions are on the front page. Even here in stuffy Britain where the slander laws make it more difficult to print gossip, Tiger Woods was on the front page. Sigh. Let me be very clear. Tiger Woods' life is not "news." His life is not even "sportsy-newsie-kinda?-maybe?" It is gossip and if his life is going to take up even an ounce of my life as I try to find the news in the newspaper that is filled with his gossip, I feel obliged to offer what I would prefer to weed thru instead. I am, afterall, not above bringing solutions to problems like Tiger Woods' gossip in a newspaper. I would like a journalist to celebrate someone like my husband in their newspaper that is filled with gossip. Please permit me to gossip about my husband:



I find him to be good-looking. At least, better looking that Tiger, though I do know that to be personal opinion. He is, surely, handsome enough for the front-page of a newspaper that prints gossip.

When he's not working overseas, he comes home every night. He doesn't find excuses not to come home even on days when we're all in terrible moods. He comes home. Every night. The first question out of his mouth is, "How can I help?" He gets that parenting is 24/7 and he's still a dad even though his work day is done.

He is a fun guy to try new things with. He likes exploring. He is a safe person with whom to learn. He does not lose his temper or crash cars. I am proud that he does not make an obscene amount of cash swinging long sticks in the air.

He has found his family in every storm in which we've been lost - real, imagined, or existential in nature. He can multi-task better than I can as he often has time to take a picture during such storms.

He's a helpful sort. He tries to find a way to balance all of our needs. He catches us when we slip.

He is a good giver of piggy-back-rides.

He never lets us fall.

It's easy to do absolutely nothing much with him.

He shares his triumphs and his defeats with us. He's not chicken to own up to exactly who he is. He doesn't need a press conference, cameras, or threats of lost sponsorship or a lost marriage or lost relationships with his children to confess his faults.

He lets us hang on to him when our moods are questionable.

He not only loves his kids, but he likes them. He takes the time to find out their individual interests and follows their leads. He listens. He knows who they are without my mediation. He is patient and even puts together telescopes when suffering from jetlag. Bad days at work are not bad days at home. Hear that, Tiger? Print that, "journalist."

He is not perfect. Cooking, for example, is still a skill he's developing. If he's "cooked dinner," he has fried it, deeply, for a very long and crispy time. He also recently brought home a two weeks' supply of "organic hummus" that will go bad within two days of purchase and because it is "organic hummus" it also cost 3 times as much as the regular hummus. But, I prefer to end on a good note. We have an extensive network of family and friends who are fathers and husbands like he is. Their lives look different to ours on first glance. But you will find that they all love and like their families and their spouses. They come home. Pitch in. Show patience where maybe none is due. Please help me celebrate those good daddies and husbands. Give them a squeeze and a thanks. Make them feel newsworthy.