Distance

Bug has never had a sense of attachment in the way you read about in books. I've always joked that he is a working mom's dream. He's so secure in himself that when I drop him off at a neighbor's or with a sitter, new or otherwise, he rarely says, "Bye, Mama!" much less whining at my departure. Often he's in the other room before I can look like a good parent by acknowledging my impending absence. Lately he started to bestow kisses and hugs, but not out of necessity or my request...purely out of his sense of fun.

When we're off running errands, playing at the park, doing yardwork, he's either really close.....

Or off and running... This looking back thing is a relatively new phenomenon. It's pleased me in that at least he's somewhat curious about what I'm doing at the same time. I don't have a picture of it, but yesterday at the playgroup we've joined, we were at a park and he actually had a sense of boundaries. He never went too far, even when the park-n-rec garbage truck trundled under the evergreens, right past his very eyes. He never left a self-defined radius that was miraculously comfortable for me too. I'm hoping this trend is one that lasts for quite some time...

Gifts...

Last month we went to Minnesota for a week while M, Bopa, and Uncle J worked on our kitchen. I'm not sure if it's because most of my family is far away, or if it's just who I am, but I've always been trying to capture those fleeting moments. I've been faulted for having opinions and giving advice and talking up a storm in the past, but if it's good enough for me and I care for you, why wouldn't I share?

So, now, with my family away and my son growing and another on the way, I'm a little stuck. There are times that I just can't share. Like, the sound of the large flakes in a late spring snowstorm. They landed on this little glass window embedded in my parents' front door when I accidently left the screen door open to let Coopman out. They made this wet, tapping sound that gave me pause. I hadn't heard it in years as M is a bit afraid of Minnesota winters. Don't question his manhood though...did you see my kitchen???

That afternoon, Bug and Mimi looked out Great Grandma's apartment window. Of course, if this was only the third snow you've seen, you'd want to lick the window. And I don't know how to share the most important bits of these moments...how Mimi just let him lick the window and talked about the snow and the train they heard in the distance.

So, I've realized that maybe these bits are just for me. Gifts, presents, just for me. On our fifth wedding anniversary, M had a beautiful vase filled with five roses waiting at our table for us. I gave a rose to our waiter to give to his wife when she got home. M was surprised and I thought why not share the love? Now. Hm. I won't get saccharine or nutrasweetish on you. I won't tell you that "every moment is precious," because they aren't. Some moments are messy and stinky, like changing Bug's diaper. Some are just rotten or boring or repetitive. But I will say that some moments are just gifts and lately, I am humbled and thrilled to receive them.

Uncle D

I am having a hard time with postings lately. Some of it is because of time. Time escaping me, time passing too fast or too slow, not taking the time to figure out how to download pictures from yet another gizmo that M has hooked me up with. But most of it is because I'm having a hard time capturing the moments that I think are important to share. I don't know how to tell you how Uncle D's barn smelled or how readily Bug took to his arms or how many memories I have of all of my uncles helping me up onto the back of a cow or down from a tree or encouraging me to do things that I didn't believe my small self could could do when I was young like Bug.

But, the best part....

The best part about the our kitchen is the time that Bopa and Uncle J and Papa took to work in our space together. Don't get me wrong. I am thrilled to have an actually place to put away clean dishes rather than shoving them into a cupboard and hoping that they don't topple out and crash to the floor in the middle of the night. But really, what I like best is how happy my husband is that he spent the time with Bopa and Uncle J....the kitchen itself is a minor and wonderful reminder of how loved we are.

Publish

Final Results!