There is an edge to parenting a child with allergies as severe as Bug's. Not drama...just an edge. Every time you step out of the house, even into a known environment, you worry. Today at Spanish class, his eyes puffed. Is it a cold? Is it milk residue on some toy? Did I give him a piece of toast with new ingredients including a wacky form of milk (ie, casein?) in it? Did I bring an epi-pen? Is the epi-pen up to date? All this in the second it takes to look at him and look at your watch and think, okay, I give this one minute..."
I safeguard, have three epi-pens with me at all times;car, pocket, stroller, diaper bag...make that four. But still...mistakes have been made and I have made them all. Auntie Zizi says that it's a numbers game. I'm the caretaker and foodshopper...of course I'll read a list incorrectly. She's right. But who cares if she's right when my heart's breaking because my kid talked about the ER for the first time today with detail that is odd for a two year old, even with Bug's vocab. "Nurse Lisa gave me three shots. I had three shots at the ER. One here. One here. One in my arm right here. I cried and cried and coughed like this..." Do you remember your nurse's name from your last ER visit?
I have tried to be between Bug and food for years and I'm learning that I can't do it alone. It is impossible to do it alone. I am thankful for the ER. Thankful for my family and my friends that care enough to be vegan around us all the time, especially when we don't have to ask them to put their kids milk away - just for the short time we visit, or explain again how life threatening his allergies are. It matters when you are vegan around us. We get to have as many moments like the ones above as we want.
